Philosophy II

Disclaimer: Nothing I will say here is backed up by anything. Read with caution, but believe everything, for it is true.

1) There's no such thing as racism. People just hate other cultures.

2) Any truck that has a Confederate flag on it is screaming to the world that the owners are racist. See #1.

3) The Office is one of the best shows of all time, sitting next to Seinfeld and Cheers, but this current season completely sucks balls.

4) My girlfriend is the most wonderful thing to have happened to me, yet she constantly destroys my stubborn opinions and makes me rebuild my thoughts and lifestyle. For this I truly appreciate her as more than just a romantic interest, even if my offensive responses don't always come off that way.  

5) She'll be reading this in a matter of days when her Yahoo inbox seems like an exciting place to visit and I hope she understands that the only things I say to the world are things in which I am transparent. I love you, babe. You're all I've ever wanted.

6) Fat people are trying to get something passed which states that being fat is just hereditary, and therefore their insurance premium rates should not be any higher than those of average-weighted individuals. This is entirely bogus.

7) Working out everyday does not, in fact, cause you to lose weight. Nor does drinking only water and milk. There must be a missing ingredient to my recipe...

8) There is such a thing as a stupid question. When I personally am asked one, I always retort with an equally stupid answer. It's the only fair way. Fighting stupidity with intelligence never works, because if it did then the Democractic party would be long gone by now.

9) Even though I'm really enjoying life, I can't wait to get to Heaven, because to go just one day without getting cut off on I-85 would be quite blissful.

10) After looking over this list, I realized that I have yet to cover all three "dinner party taboo" topics (money, politics, religion), and for this I apologize. Please continue reading.

11) A lot of people think that us white folk are born with privileges. I want to be the first white person to come out and admit that this conspiracy is completely true. I was born onto a golden platter, fed all my carrots with a golden spoon, and I slept among tiny, golden nugget pillows. It is the softest metal, you know. While growing up, my teachers gave me A's on all my assignments, and bowed down to me when I asked for extensions and extra credit points. Did I mention that I had a killer allowance of fifty million and thirty five dollars a week (petty cash + inflation)? Finally, Georgia State University begged me to enroll and get super duper involved. This was after they rejected my initial application, but appealing to a college is fun! Duh.

12) I absolutely did not start this blog with the intention of being sarcastic in #11.

13) Recently I've tried appreciating other religions, at least for what moral values they carry. Really though, I keep getting caught up in the food that their surrounding cultures seem to traditionalize. I guess it's safe to say that I still have little respect and understanding for people who wear rags on their heads, people who killed my savior (Jews), and those who think that a mere human can forgive you for your sins against another. Blasphemy!

14) I have now covered all controversial topics relevant to my 3:11 AM temperament. Good night.

Philosophy I

Cleanthes: God exists!

Philo: No, dude, he does not.

Cleanthes: What about the watch? Its design? It must have a creator. THEREFORE GOD EXISTS.

Philo: If you look at a human's hair growth, can you understand how a human comes about?

Cleanthes: Good point, but what about the watch!

Philo: No.

Cleanthes: All right, well I guess I'll see you in hell.

Philo: There's not a hell!

Cleanthes: But that's where people who don't believe in God...

Philo: No! Dude, God does not exist!

Cleanthes: Then why are you capitalizing "God."

Philo: To show respect??

Cleanthes: Well where did respect come from?

Philo: My mom.

Cleanthes: Funny thing, that everybody's mom teaches them the same stuff...

Philo: It's natural selection -- respect proved important to our survival, so it remained in our genes.

Cleanthes: Really now? I thought nature survives from predatorial attitudes and cut-throat tactics...

Philo: Well yeah, that too, but that really only applies to animals...

Cleanthes: Aren't we animals?

Philo: No! We're humans.

Cleanthes: So I can kill as many animals as I feel like, right?

Philo: That would be mean...

Cleanthes: But what about natural selection? I'm just trying to survive...

Philo: OK, look. Like every other atheist, I know that God exists. I'm just too stubborn to admit it and enjoy my drugs and drinking and meaningless philosophical conversations with my stupid druggie alcoholic friends far too much to ever change my mind about it.

Cleanthes: So I win?

Philo: In 70 years, yes. Have a good time in Heaven.

Cleanthes: Thanks, you too. Not!

A Brilliant Title

Last Thursday I played at a thing called "Blue Light Cafe" and I swear, every spoken word artist that got up to perform said that their piece was entitled ________. :LKSJDF:LKJSDFSDF:

Sometimes light bulbs are too bright or dim and all you wanna do is screw them in a little more or less but you can't so you just squint and get depressed and feel miserable.

My roommate SUCKS at guitar. So do his friends doing the backup parts.

Tonight after an argument about universal health care and Obama's plans to ruin the nation, I got a "You're so f**king stupid and a Communist" followed by the slamming of my roommate's bedroom door. I won?

As I sit in silent contemplation, I consider things like "should I pick up a double major" and "will I go to class tomorrow" Haha. When you go to eat with someone older authority-ish, it's not unusual to expect that they'll pay for your food. However, don't let these assumptions be reflected in your behavior at the cash register. Make sure to still pull out your wallet, handbag, or hollowed out skull. Rule of thumb: play the "no I got it" game three times, and THEN give up all resistance. If you stop after once or twice, they'll pick up on your lack of surprise and delight in their kind gesture.

Baow.

How come everybody is saying 'wratched' now? It's not even a real word. Neither is baow but at least that's cool.

Never have a roommate if you can afford to live alone. Or if you qualify for cash-based student loans.

Tourettes and OCD nvbalskdfjsdf

Sometimes I let my neuroligical issues get the best of me. They drive me insane, keeping me up at night and making my face red in social situations. But often I derive from these problems a type of brilliance. I see things differently. It's not as simple as my quirky antics and references to dumb movies and allusions to the 6 books I've read. It's not as simple as my high-pitched voices or my 4 distinct laughs. There's something deeper that makes me more accepting of other people who are also jacked up in the brain. It's a type of perception and intuition that I seem to share only with those who feel helpless and think that no one's watching when they fight their own tourettes and OCD and the face-reddening symptoms that go with it.

Yesterday a black person said that the reason they admire me so much is because I'm open-minded. This, to me, is one of the biggest compliments I have ever received. Ever. Ever.

It's pronounced "Q-pon," so if you say it some other way then just unsubscribe -- it's going to get hot in ilovemusic1594.

Haha, my header. "Martyr... let this be my goal." What the fudge? Rarely do I do things for people if I don't feel they deserve it. I'm not a martyr. Two weeks ago I pulled into my apartment complex and saw a middle-eastern family trying to pack a bed on top of an SUV. I quickly parked my truck and ran over to them with my strap-locks. I asked them how far they were going and they said "up the street," then I loaned them a buckle mechanism and we situated it on top of the car. They said "thank you so much, we'll bring this right back, give us an hour." But nobody ever returned. I lost a $40 tool.

This last Tuesday a seemingly homeless guy walked up to me asking for money. What else is new, right? His sales pitch: he needed change to get on the MARTA. For whatever reason I reached into my wallet and gave him all I had. After doing this I lost my pride and my reasoning and my Republican-ism.

I miss being 16 because that was a time in my life where I walked around humming classical  music. As much as I dreaded all 7 years of orchestra rehearsals, private lessons, and the concerts and gigs that followed, I was nonetheless engulfed in the works of fine composers. I would give a lot to return to those days, or remember the songs and keys and movements of my 16-year-old self's favorite humdingers.

We're about to come home from Tampa now. It's going to be a long and miserable drive and I wish I had headphones for my iTouch. I miss everyone that I miss and love everyone that I love. Soon I'll see you again and hold you and pick you up to that magical, abitrary height that for whatever reason makes you scream "put me down!" Soon enough I'll be an arms length from the girl of my dreams and everything will be OK. We haven't talked about our hopeless-romantic-ness in a while and it makes me feel like we're settling for convention and utility. Plans. Goals. Action. Let's just return to being in love, with our only plans being plane tickets and our only goals being how to pay for them. As for action? I just want to love you, Joy. I hope you get some sleep this week and I hope we can have another Chipotle Skype date in the near future. Can you finally try the steak, though? I don't like finishing off the chicken for you so much.

-Ryan